The Coaching Habit Summary of Key Ideas and Review - Michael Bungay Stanier
“The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More And Change the Way You Lead Forever” by Michael Bungay Stanier is a bestselling book that has revolutionized the way leaders approach coaching. With over a million copies sold worldwide, the book has become a go-to resource for anyone who wants to become a more effective coach and leader.
Stanier’s book is based on his years of experience as a leadership coach, and it provides readers with a practical and accessible approach to coaching. The book focuses on the seven essential coaching questions that can be used to create meaningful and impactful coaching conversations.
It also explores the power of listening, empathy, goal-setting, and accountability in coaching. Stanier’s book is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to build a coaching habit, whether they are a manager, leader, or coach. It provides readers with a roadmap for creating a coaching culture within their organization and for helping their team members reach their full potential.
With its practical tools and techniques, “The Coaching Habit” is a must-read for anyone who wants to lead with impact and create lasting change.
Idea 1: The importance of building a coaching habit
“The importance of building a coaching habit” is one of the central ideas of “The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier. It suggests that coaching is not just a skill or technique to be used in specific situations but rather a habit that leaders can develop to improve their interactions with team members and drive better results.
According to Stanier, coaching is a powerful way to lead and support others, and building a coaching habit can help leaders achieve better results and build stronger relationships with their team. Coaching helps team members think through their own challenges, come up with their own solutions, and take ownership of their own growth and development. It also helps leaders become better listeners, more empathetic, and more effective at guiding and motivating their team.
However, building a coaching habit is not always easy. Many leaders may be used to giving advice or solving problems themselves rather than allowing their team members to find their own solutions. They may also feel pressure to act quickly and decisively rather than take the time to ask questions and understand the full scope of a problem.
To build a coaching habit, Stanier suggests starting with small steps, such as setting aside a few minutes each day to practice asking questions and listening to team members. He also recommends developing a framework for coaching conversations, such as his seven essential coaching questions, to help guide the conversation and ensure that it stays focused and productive.
Over time, building a coaching habit can become a natural and effective way to lead and support others. By developing a coaching mindset and approach, leaders can help their team members grow and develop, improve communication and collaboration, and achieve better results.
Idea 2: The power of asking questions
Michael Bungay Stanier suggests that asking questions is a powerful tool for leaders and coaches, as it can help them gain insights, understand their team members better, and find their own solutions.
Asking questions is a central component of coaching, as it helps team members think through their own challenges and come up with their own solutions. By asking open-ended questions, coaches can help team members explore their own thoughts and feelings, identify patterns or barriers that may be holding them back, and come up with new ideas or approaches to solving problems.
Stanier identifies seven essential coaching questions that leaders can use to guide coaching conversations and help team members focus on what’s most important. These questions include:
- What’s on your mind?
- And what else?
- What’s the real challenge here for you?
- What do you want?
- How can I help?
- If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
- What was most useful or valuable for you in this conversation?
By asking these and other questions, coaches can help team members identify their own goals, develop their own plans, and take ownership of their own growth and development. This can lead to greater engagement, motivation, and job satisfaction as team members feel more invested in their own success and have a greater sense of control over their work.
Asking questions also helps leaders understand their team members better and build stronger relationships with them. By listening carefully and asking follow-up questions, leaders can gain insights into what motivates and challenges their team members and tailor their coaching approach to each individual’s needs and preferences. This can help build trust and rapport and create a more positive and supportive work environment.
Idea 3: The difference between “coaching” and “advising”
Stanier tells us that many leaders and managers default to advising their team members rather than coaching them, and that this can limit their effectiveness as leaders and limit the growth and development of their team members.
Coaching is the process of guiding and supporting someone to reach their own solutions and goals. In coaching, the coach asks questions and listens to the team member’s responses, helping them to clarify their thoughts and feelings, explore different perspectives, and identify their own solutions to challenges or problems. Coaching is focused on helping the team member build their skills and confidence and take ownership of their own growth and development.
Advising, on the other hand, involves giving someone specific advice or solutions to their challenges or problems. In advising, the advisor draws on their own knowledge and experience to offer guidance, direction, or solutions. While advising can be helpful in certain situations, it can also be limiting, as it doesn’t allow the team member to develop their own skills and problem-solving abilities.
The key difference between coaching and advising is the focus on ownership and autonomy. Coaching empowers team members to take ownership of their own growth and development by helping them develop their own solutions and approaches to challenges. Advising, on the other hand, can limit a team member’s ability to take ownership of their own growth as it relies on the advice and guidance of others.
In general, while advising can be helpful in certain situations, it’s important for leaders and managers to understand the difference between coaching and advising. By focusing on coaching, leaders can empower their team members to take ownership of their own growth and development, build their skills and confidence, and achieve greater success.
Idea 4: The seven essential coaching questions
In “The Coaching Habit”, the author identifies seven essential coaching questions that leaders can use to guide coaching conversations and help team members focus on what’s most important. These questions are designed to be open-ended and thought-provoking and can help team members gain clarity, identify their own goals, and develop their own solutions.
What’s on your mind?
This question invites team members to share whatever is on their mind at the moment. It helps to open up the conversation and encourages the team member to express their thoughts and feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space.
And what else?
This question encourages the team member to delve deeper into the issue or challenge they’re facing. It helps them to explore different perspectives and uncover any hidden assumptions or biases they may have.
What’s the real challenge here for you?
This question helps team members focus on the core issue or challenge they’re facing rather than getting sidetracked by symptoms or peripheral issues. It helps them identify the underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
What do you want?
This question helps team members clarify their goals and aspirations. It encourages them to think about what they really want to achieve rather than simply reacting to the situation at hand.
How can I help?
This question invites team members to think about how their leader or coach can support them. It helps create a sense of partnership and collaboration and encourages the team member to take ownership of their own growth and development.
If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
This question helps team members think about the trade-offs involved in their decisions. It encourages them to consider the opportunity costs of saying yes to one thing and what they may have to give up or say no to as a result.
What was most useful or valuable for you in this conversation?
This question helps to wrap up the coaching conversation and provides an opportunity for feedback. It helps the leader or coach to understand what was most helpful to the team member and to tailor their coaching approach in the future.
The seven essential coaching questions can be a powerful tool for leaders and coaches to guide coaching conversations and help team members develop their own solutions and approaches to challenges. By asking these questions, leaders can encourage team members to think deeply, gain clarity, and take ownership of their own growth and development.
Idea 5: The importance of being “lazy” in coaching
Michael Bungay Stanier argues that one of the keys to effective coaching is being “lazy.” This might seem counterintuitive at first, but what he means is that good coaches should resist the urge to jump in and provide solutions or advice. Instead, they should take a step back and let the team member take ownership of the conversation.
By being “lazy,” a coach can create space for the team member to think, reflect, and come up with their own solutions. This not only helps the team member develop their own problem-solving skills, but it also helps to build trust and rapport between the coach and the team member.
There are a few reasons why being “lazy” is so important in coaching:
- By giving the team member space to explore and come up with their own solutions, the coach is helping to build the team member’s sense of autonomy and ownership. This can be empowering for the team member and help them feel more invested in their own growth and development.
- When the coach is “lazy” and refrains from jumping in with solutions, it creates space for the team member to think more deeply about the issue at hand. This can lead to more creative and innovative solutions and help the team member develop their critical thinking skills.
- When the coach takes a step back and lets the team member lead the conversation, it can create a sense of trust and rapport between the two. The team member feels heard and valued, and this can create a more positive and productive coaching relationship.
Of course, being “lazy” doesn’t mean that the coach isn’t actively engaged in the conversation. Rather, it means that they are intentional about creating space for the team member to take ownership of the conversation and develop their own solutions. By asking open-ended questions, listening actively, and resisting the urge to jump in with advice or solutions, coaches can help their team members grow and develop in meaningful ways.
To summarize, being “lazy” is an important concept in coaching. By taking a step back and giving the team member space to explore and develop their own solutions, coaches can promote autonomy, deeper thinking, and trust and rapport.
Idea 6: The power of listening
In “The Coaching Habit”, Michael Bungay Stanier claims that good coaches are skilled listeners and that listening is a crucial component of effective coaching. Here are some reasons why listening is so important:
It builds trust: When a coach actively listens to a team member, it sends a signal that the team member is valued and respected. This can help to build trust between the coach and the team member, which is crucial for any effective coaching relationship.
It promotes understanding: When a coach listens deeply, they can gain a better understanding of the team member’s perspective, experiences, and challenges. This understanding can help the coach tailor their coaching approach and provide more targeted support.
It encourages reflection: When a coach listens actively, it can help the team member reflect more deeply on their own experiences and perspectives. This can lead to greater self-awareness and help the team member develop their own insights and solutions.
So what does it mean to be a good listener in the coaching context? Here are some tips:
Be present: When listening to a team member, it’s important to be fully present and engaged. Put away any distractions and give the team member your full attention.
Listen actively: Active listening means paying attention not only to the words being spoken but also to nonverbal cues and the tone of voice. It involves asking clarifying questions, paraphrasing what the team member has said, and acknowledging their perspective.
Suspend judgment: When listening to a team member, it’s important to suspend judgment and avoid jumping to conclusions. This means letting go of any preconceived notions or biases and truly trying to understand the team member’s perspective.
By being a good listener, coaches can create a safe and supportive environment for team members to explore their challenges and develop their own insights and solutions. This can lead to greater self-awareness, increased confidence, and improved performance.
Idea 7: The role of empathy in coaching
In the book “The Coaching Habit”, one of the central themes is the importance of empathy in coaching. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. In coaching, empathy involves understanding and connecting with a team member’s emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Here are some reasons why empathy is so important in coaching:
It creates a safe and supportive environment: When coaches demonstrate empathy, it helps team members feel safe and supported. This can make it easier for team members to open up, share their challenges and vulnerabilities, and work on their development. Empathy can create a sense of psychological safety, which is a crucial component of high-performing teams.
It builds trust and rapport: Empathy is essential for building trust and rapport between coaches and team members. When team members feel that their coach understands and cares about their challenges and experiences, they are more likely to trust the coach and be open to their feedback and guidance. Trust is a critical component of effective coaching relationships.
It promotes self-awareness and growth: Empathy can also help team members develop greater self-awareness and insights. When coaches demonstrate empathy, it encourages team members to reflect on their own experiences and challenges. This can lead to greater self-awareness, which is an essential ingredient for personal and professional growth.
So how can coaches demonstrate empathy in their coaching interactions? Here are some tips:
Listen actively: Active listening is an essential component of empathy. Coaches should listen carefully to team members, ask clarifying questions, and reflect back what they hear. By doing this, coaches can show that they are fully present and engaged in the conversation.
Validate feelings: When team members express emotions or feelings, coaches should validate them. This involves acknowledging and accepting the team member’s feelings without judgment or criticism. Validating feelings can help team members feel heard and understood.
Put yourself in their shoes: Coaches should try to understand and empathize with the team member’s perspective. This means imagining what it’s like to be in their shoes, considering their experiences and challenges, and acknowledging their strengths and limitations.
By demonstrating empathy in their coaching interactions, coaches can create a more positive and supportive coaching environment, build trust and rapport with team members, and promote self-awareness and growth. Empathy is a key ingredient for effective coaching and can help team members reach their full potential.
Idea 8: The importance of setting goals
Goals provide direction and focus for team members and help them to stay motivated and engaged in their work. Here are some reasons why setting goals is so important:
Clarity: Setting clear and specific goals helps team members understand what is expected of them. This clarity can help reduce confusion and misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is on the same page. Goals also provide a roadmap for team members, helping them to prioritize their work and focus their efforts.
Motivation: Goals can be a powerful motivator for team members. When team members have a clear goal to work towards, they are more likely to feel engaged and invested in their work. Goals can also help team members see the value in their work and how it fits into the bigger picture of the organization’s objectives.
Accountability: Setting goals can help hold team members accountable for their work. By establishing clear expectations and timelines, team members are more likely to take ownership of their work and be accountable for their progress. Goals can also provide a benchmark for measuring performance and progress, which can help team members identify areas for improvement and growth.
Continuous improvement: Setting goals can help team members identify areas for improvement and work on their development. By setting challenging but achievable goals, team members can push themselves to improve their skills and knowledge. This can lead to continuous learning and development, which can benefit both the individual and the organization.
So how can coaches help team members set effective goals? Here are some tips:
Be specific: Goals should be specific and measurable, with clear deadlines and milestones. This helps team members understand what is expected of them and provides a clear roadmap for achieving the goal.
Align with organizational objectives: Goals should align with the organization’s objectives and priorities. This helps to ensure that team members are working towards goals that are relevant and meaningful to the organization’s success.
Focus on growth and development: Goals should be focused on growth and development rather than just completing tasks. This can help team members build new skills and knowledge and reach their full potential.
Provide support and resources: Coaches should provide support and resources to help team members achieve their goals. This might include providing training or mentoring or connecting team members with resources and tools that can help them be successful.
By setting clear and specific goals, coaches can help team members stay focused, motivated, and accountable. Goals provide a roadmap for success and can help team members achieve their full potential.
Idea 9: The role of accountability in coaching
In coaching, accountability refers to the process of holding individuals responsible for their actions and commitments. The concept of accountability is important because it helps to ensure that team members stay on track and make progress towards their goals. Here are some key ideas related to accountability in coaching:
Setting clear expectations: To establish accountability, it’s important to set clear expectations with team members from the outset. This means defining the goals and objectives, outlining the specific tasks that need to be completed, and establishing a timeline for completion. Clear expectations ensure that everyone is on the same page and understands what is expected of them.
Monitoring progress: Once the expectations have been established, it’s important to monitor progress on a regular basis. This means checking in with team members to see how they are progressing towards their goals, identifying any obstacles or challenges that may be hindering progress, and adjusting the plan as necessary. Monitoring progress ensures that team members are staying on track and making progress towards their goals.
Providing feedback: Providing regular feedback is an important aspect of accountability in coaching. Feedback helps team members understand how they are doing and what they need to do to improve. Positive feedback can be motivating and help team members stay engaged and focused, while constructive feedback can help team members identify areas for improvement and make necessary adjustments.
Celebrating successes: It’s important to celebrate successes along the way to help team members stay motivated and engaged. Celebrating successes can help team members feel valued and appreciated for their hard work and can provide a sense of accomplishment that can help fuel continued progress.
Addressing challenges: When team members are not meeting expectations, it’s important to address the issue and work together to find a solution. This may involve providing additional support or resources, adjusting the goals or timeline, or addressing any underlying issues that may be impacting performance.
Holding team members accountable: Ultimately, accountability in coaching involves holding team members accountable for their actions and commitments. This means ensuring that team members take ownership of their work and are responsible for their progress towards their goals. By holding team members accountable, coaches can help to ensure that progress is being made and that goals are being achieved.
In summary, accountability is an important aspect of coaching that helps to ensure that team members stay on track and make progress towards their goals. By setting clear expectations, monitoring progress, providing feedback, celebrating successes, addressing challenges, and holding team members accountable, coaches can help to ensure that team members are successful and achieve their full potential.
Idea 10: The impact of coaching on organizational culture
In “The Coaching Habit,” Michael Bungay Stanier points out how coaching can have a significant impact on organizational culture. Here are some key ideas related to this concept:
Coaching promotes a learning culture: When coaching is embedded in an organization, it promotes a learning culture where employees are encouraged to seek out new information and ideas, take risks, and learn from their mistakes. Coaching helps create an environment where employees feel supported and empowered to grow and develop.
Coaching builds trust: Coaching relationships are built on trust, as coaches create a safe and supportive environment for their team members. When coaching is valued in an organization, it helps to build trust among team members and between employees and their managers.
Coaching encourages open communication: Coaching is based on open communication, active listening, and asking powerful questions. When coaching is embraced in an organization, it can encourage more open and honest communication between team members and between employees and their managers.
Coaching improves performance: When team members receive coaching, they are more likely to perform at a higher level. Coaching can help employees identify and overcome obstacles, set meaningful goals, and develop new skills and competencies.
Coaching supports employee development: Coaching helps employees develop their skills and competencies, which can lead to increased job satisfaction and retention. Coaching can also help employees identify their strengths and areas for development and create a plan for achieving their career goals.
Coaching creates a positive culture: When coaching is embraced in an organization, it can create a positive culture where employees feel supported, valued, and empowered. Coaching can help foster a culture of continuous improvement and growth where employees are encouraged to take ownership of their development and contribute to the success of the organization.
To sum things up, coaching can have a significant impact on organizational culture by promoting a learning culture, building trust, encouraging open communication, improving performance, supporting employee development, and creating a positive culture. By embracing coaching, organizations can create an environment where employees are motivated, engaged, and committed to achieving their goals.
Who is the book “The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier recommended for?
“The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier is recommended for anyone who wants to improve their coaching skills, whether they are a manager, leader, or coach. It is particularly useful for those who want to make coaching a part of their leadership style or want to create a coaching culture within their organization.
The book is also suitable for those who work in human resources, training and development, or learning and development roles, as well as anyone who is interested in personal growth and development. The book is written in an accessible and practical style, with real-life examples and practical tools and techniques that can be applied immediately.
Generally speaking, “The Coaching Habit” is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to become a more effective coach and leader.
About the author
Michael Bungay Stanier is a Canadian author, speaker, and leadership coach. He is the founder and senior partner of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations and individuals do less good work and more great work through coaching programs, training, and workshops.
Stanier is the author of several books, including “The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever,” which has sold over a million copies worldwide and has been translated into 19 languages. He is also the host of the “Great Work Podcast,” which has been downloaded over two million times. Stanier has been featured in numerous media outlets, including Forbes, Fast Company, The New York Times, and The Huffington Post.
He has worked with organizations such as Microsoft, the United Nations, and Canadian Tire, among others. Stanier’s work is focused on helping individuals and organizations do less good work and more great work by embracing the power of coaching and asking powerful questions.